


Lonely Luck

by LordTraco



Category: Stand Still Stay Silent
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-22 00:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3708505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordTraco/pseuds/LordTraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A simple walk around their safe area leads part of the group to a not so safe area. Luckily it's only one giant, right?<br/>*takes place before they figured out about the food mix up</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lonely Luck

“We’re going back!” Sigrun called, running past back to their vehicle. Tuuri noticed her captain avoiding her gaze. Emil followed fast behind, squinting like he was trying to hold back something.  
Was Emil crying?  
Mikkel was running too, though not as fast as the others. Tuuri grabbed his hand, matching his pace as they ran back to the cat-bus.  
“What is it?”  
“He’s gone.”  
The world crumbled, every happy thought of the future and past ran drearily down as the lovely colors blurred in the tears streaming from her eyes. Her running slowed and her hand escaped his. The sobs would not stop, with each gasp for air she shuddered in anguish. It wasn’t the time or place to be crying, but it never was. Not even back when their parents…  
Large hands picked her up gently, and though she wanted to resist, she weakly collapsed into the taller one’s chest as he brought her back to safety. How could he be gone? How could things have gone so wrong? This wasn’t even a raid, it was just a little adventure to look around their safe spot!  
“It’s all my fault…” Tuuri cried out as she huddled into a ball when Mikkel put her down inside the cat-bus. “No…”  
“It’s not your fault. I’m the leader. It’s my respons-“ Sigrun started, putting her hand on Tuuri’s shoulder.  
“He didn’t even want to come! Onni warned us but I just had to come!!! He was scared but I just pushed him along anyways!” Tuuri yelled, pushing Sigrun away roughly and crying more.  
“He said ‘soyah Tuuri’ before he…” Emil stopped himself before his voice cracked in sadness.  
“Protect Tuuri, huh…” The room went silent as Tuuri laughed a little. It was a dark laugh they weren’t used to from the ever cheerful woman. “That’s all they ever friggin do… Gotta protect the little girl, she’ll get sick. Let’s name her luck and then show her what kind of luck she has when EVERYONE SHE LOVES DIES!!!”  
“Tuuri…” Mikkel started, unsure of what to say.  
“Just stop.” Emil said curtly.  
“What?”  
“He didn’t die protecting you, and I bet none of the others did either. They were looking out for all of those they loved, you just happened to be one. You can’t help who you love and want to see safe, nor can you blame yourself for BEING loved! That’ll… just destroy you.” Emil said bravely, ignoring the tears that kept fogging his eyes.  
Tuuri looked at the ground, trying to stay calm.  
“Tuuri. Get detoxed and then come see me in the cabin.” Sigrun had already taken off her outer clothes to be decontaminated. Mikkel cleaned the two of them and allowed them to go in as he worked on himself and Emil. 

…

Sigrun sat and patted the bed next to her. Tuuri hesitated, then gave in.  
“Tuuri, the first time I broke down from seeing a comrade die, I was given some terrible speech about how bad life is and how we just need to get through it…” She paused for a moment before looking fiercely into Tuuri’s eyes. “I needed someone to mourn with, so even if you rightfully blame me for his death, I will be here to mourn with you. We all will. I’ll make sure of it.”  
“I don’t blame you…”  
“It’s easier to place the blame on others, you know. Easiest of all to blame the leader. As long as we still follow order, you can shift the blame to lessen the pain.”  
“No.”  
“Good.”  
They sat there for a long while, Tuuri trying to stay strong. Sigrun broke the silence again. “I knew they loved each other… I still can’t believe our little scout…”  
“Who loved each other?”  
“You didn’t notice? Ahh well you never did see them in action. Emil and Lalli, they… they shared a bond. It seemed like a… big sibling watching over the younger one… though who the older one was changed minute to minute.”  
“Lalli and Emil? What? I mean they are friendly but…”  
“You saw it from Lalli’s side. I noticed from the start how Emil always looked after Lalli. Slowly Lalli started returning that caring nature when Emil got scared. Until this.”  
“What happened out there?” 

…

“What happened out there?” Mikkel broke the silence between the two men in the control/driving room.  
“A big troll… a giant. I panicked and swung my knife at it, and it hit Lalli in the shoulder when he came to protect me. He kept up a sort of force field, but it faded after a while and the bleeding got worse.” Emil said quickly. “I was too afraid of hurting him worse by trying to fight off the troll, and Sigrun was fighting another one of its heads… I finally decided to stand up for myself. I pushed Lalli out of the way and attacked.  
I didn’t see the other head before it was too late. My pushing Lalli out of the way made the wound open up and… he couldn’t use his arm to defend himself from the other heads. It… killed him. Then Sigrun killed it. I heard him say something about Tuuri. So we ran in case there were more.” Emil kept looking at one spot on the floor, speaking slowly though Mikkel knew it wasn’t for his sake.  
Mikkel never thought too much of the Swede, but he couldn’t help but put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “It isn’t your fault.”  
Emil didn’t move an inch. “There’s no way it could have been more my fault…” His voice had lost any of its naïve or stubborn pitch. There were only those dead words.  
Mikkel squeezed the boy’s shoulder, lost for what to say. He prided himself of being the fatherly figure of the group (while Tuuri played the mom and Sigrun played the crazy aunt), but he was unsure of how to fix this.  
“I killed him.”  
That was the last straw. Mikkel ate his pride and hugged the boy. It was a crushing hug that probably could have done damage had he not held back the slightest bit.  
“You. Did. Not. kill him. A. Giant. killed him.” Mikkel said clearly so as not to be misunderstood.  
For the second time today, Mikkel caught a sobbing young one in his arms, supporting them as their form went limp and tears stained his uniform. His heart dropped, knowing what a huge blow this was to people so young, remembering how it felt to lose his friends to this same merciless place.  
Slowly, Emil picked himself up, trying to rub away the tears. Mikkel stopped him, handing him a soft cotton cloth and showing him how to lightly dab away the tears. Emil said nothing, but a small smile of gratitude was all he needed to see. With a sigh, Emil made his way to the bed area of the bus, steeling himself for Tuuri’s questions. 

…

“Lalli sacrificed himself?”  
“Pretty much. Those things go after the weakest. Honestly, that would be Emil. There were too many heads to take on, and one of us was going to die. Lalli made sure it was him by cutting himself on Emil’s blade.”  
“But why? How could any of you know?”  
“There were five heads, Tuuri. Two attacking me, three attacking them. I was quick to kill my two, but by that ratio, only one of those two would survive.”  
“He could have tried!”  
“He did try!”  
“He left me! What am I supposed to tell Onni? Onni will think we’re both dead now!” Tuuri pulled her feet onto the bed and hugged her knees as she cried.  
Emil entered the room to see Tuuri bawling into her legs as Sigrun rubbed her back. “Tuuri?”  
“Just go away!”  
Emil took her hand in his and squeezed it. “I’m sorry.” When there was no response, he repeated, “I’m sorry I lived and he didn’t.”  
He was pounced on and found himself being hugged once again. “Don’t you dare!” Tuuri said, sniffling as she hid her head in his chest.  
Emil blinked, not understanding her words for a moment. Upon understanding them, he wanted to rebuke with an “I would never!” or “I’m not suicidal!” but he realized he had been almost considering that a valid option at one point. Emil shuddered. He was alive because Lalli had saved him. And he had for a moment actually considered throwing away that gift.  
Tuuri’s hug tightened when he shuddered. Then something hit him. Could she be thinking the same thing?  
“I won’t if you won’t.” Emil said. He was happy to realize that could be interpreted as “I won’t kill myself if you don’t kill me,” should she not in fact be thinking the same lines as him. He was so smart sometimes.  
He was slapped. Yeah he probably deserved that for the smug way he’d said that last sentence. But Tuuri gave him the smallest of smiles before returning to the bed next to Sigrun, who had been listening in silence to the two.  
Sigrun’s heart was poked and prodded by memories of similar hugging arguments among her other friends. Friends that were now gone because that’s what happens out here. She smiled at the two, giving them each a slap on the back. “Good, now off to bed you two. Make like an old married couple and sleep like logs!”  
The two were taken aback by the wording, but merely rolled their eyes at their captain. They each glanced at Lalli’s bed, rather grateful he rarely ever slept there. Emil found his spot to sleep, glancing one final time to Lalli’s empty cot and whispering the first words Lalli had ever said to him. “hyvää yötä”  
Tuuri opened her eyes, remembering that night and the words those two said above her as she had feigned sleep. She whispered back “god natt.”

**Author's Note:**

> I've always liked character deaths because it allows you to see how much that character meant to the others. It's honestly fun to explore the hidden hostilities, regrets, and empathy one character has for another when the other dies. (plus if they aren't in character you can blame it on the grief, right? no? I'll try harder next time!)
> 
> Comment if you like, but know that even a Kudo makes my day!


End file.
